BY JOSEPH WALTER
There are those among you who will doubt this tale. They don't believe in the human capacity for the dumbfounding insanity on display. But how wrong those people are. This page continually makes me question whether or not humanity deserves to exist, especially if the majority of it is heading in the direction that this Facebook group seems to suggest.
Or perhaps it is something to do with the Castlevania franchise as a whole that creates the shameful displays of lunacy or complete failure of logic in the so-called minds of these denizens.
I'll let you determine that for yourself as we begin our second venture into the very recesses of mind-warping insanity.
As a quick recap: A fan posts an inane question with an obvious answer to any fellow Castlevania fan, casual or not, and someone who we shall call Mr. Blue heroically (and painfully obviously) trolls the post… and this, somehow, is not being understood by the being known as Tuxedo Violet and many other poor souls.
Let us continue.
PART 3: ADMIN APPROVED
Either way, Red is now making more sense of the evidence that has been presented to him as fact, despite this evidence challenging every pre-existing notion of what a fact is.
This time, he says something that every teacher I had in High School would approve of:
Lo, it was time for me to make my sexually-charged and awe-inspiring entrance, where I show my finest display of care for those I admin, along with a genuine sympathy and understanding, all while leading them towards the right path:
Believing that Blue is the be-all-end-all of Castlevania canon, he begins to ask more questions:
PART 4: CELEBRATION OF MADNESS, THE PROPHECY OF TOOTH, GREEN's DESTINY IS REVEALED
But wells do run dry. Humans are frail, brittle creatures. Stress not only harms us psychologically, but physically as well.
Green has put up a fight against horrendous monstrosities that warp and infect the beloved truths of the Castlevania series. He has fought the good fight, standing resolute while people like Tuxedo Violet perish and fade into obscurity.
But even the mighty shall fall, as it was written.
Blue makes it clear that the sacred mysteries he's revealing can only be accomplished on the CHINESE version of CV3, and… after a period of time, he suggests that perhaps Green is too dumbfounded to produce a response. After yet another moment of silence, Blue hammers the final nail into the coffin for Green:
Yes, Green is now starting to believe what Blue is saying. The utter bull-shit. He's starting to believe it all. And, realizing his entire Castlevania-loving life is apparently one big lie, begs for the only solution: Death.
Instead, Mr. Red, the original poster himself, filled with intense gratitude, will praise these self-cannabilizing antics:
But what of the Tooth that I alluded to? Yes, I will leave you on that note: Curiously, and unannounced, an entity made himself known. Appearing without warning or reason earlier in this thread, a seemingly benign creature was revealed with a perplexing, puzzling statement.
This being, known only as Gray Tooth, inexplicably shares this gem with us:
But I do know this: Despite his clueless, benign appearance and statement, this toothache shall fuel a rage that burns hotter than all the flames of Hell.
In due time, it may even challenge God himself with a level of rage not seen since the genesis of the internet rage trope, keyboard-smashing German children and all that it entails.
You have been warned.