by JOSEPH WALTER
Hey, at the very least, our group isn't a hive-mind cult.
However, despite the relatively-smooth sailing, there are occasionally events that make myself and others not only question the existence of any god, but also question why we are subjected to the tortures of physically being alive and witnessing the utter lunacy that transpires. And for those of us that survive witnessing these brain-bleeding encounters, we must grapple with the permanent psychological scarring and disorders that stem from it.
One of these cataclysmic events was so disturbing that I actually questioned whether the human race should continue if its majority is as dumb as the slice that was on display during this particular incident.
In fact, it was so revolting that I felt compelled to share nearly every excruciating detail with you, using pictures and commentary on what might truly be the most striking and shocking example of the human brain's eventual decent into the ancient, crooked abyss of masochistic self-destruction that the very universe seems to beckon us towards in the coming, violent, apocalyptic years. An example once and for all that all reason and logic fails us, and our latent desires are nothing more than our soul's (although this event makes me doubt that souls even exist) cry for release from the putrid, rotting flesh that we call life on this planet, light years and dimensions away from the stupid, so-very-stupid, orb that we call Earth.
Now, to begin this cruel tale:
PART 1: THE QUESTION
To even pose this question in a group specifically dedicated to fans of Castlevania as if it is some grand piece of trivia is perplexing.
So, of course I was saddened to see this while I skimmed through the others posts, but I restrained myself from asking a real question, such as "why are you destroying the basic belief that everyone deserves the gift of life?"
When I checked the comments beneath, I expected to see nothing but a circle-jerk of "Symphony of the Night" worship, I was surprised to see something else entirely:
Of course, some people who think they are smart attempt to actually answer the question (for what reason, no one knows) And, for the first of many times, Tuxedo Violet will have the entire scenario pass briskly over his head, undetected, and attempt to correct the now-immortalized hero, Mr. Blue.
(And, for the record, Tuxedo didn't even answer it correctly, himself... It's "Lords of Shadow 2." There is no "D" involved.)
But then this happens:
PART 2: THE LAMENT CONFIGURATION
After a welcome picture of the Geico Gecko face-palming, and a post by someone who gets it, claiming the line was from "Krazy Kastlevania Karting X," Tuxedo Violet once again makes his appearance, possibly drunk on the inability to perceive jests.
Hell, even the rascal Orange joins in the fun, and is genuinely endearing about it.
But despite this frivolity, all the pieces to the puzzle of destruction are falling into place. Hark, dear ones, for any semblance of a mind you still believe you possess will be torn asunder in but a short while.
1) Red, the original poster, is now truly mind-boggled in a way in which his many ideas are just mixing up in ways I can't conceive. Like, the connections he just drew are so out of nowhere, that I'm genuinely shocked.
But MOST importantly, 2) Here it is. This is the point where this farce should end once and for all. Here we have a painfully awful photo-shopping job of the infamous snippet of dialogue, in piss-poor quality, mind you, placed roughly onto the aged Castlevania III. All walls should crumble, and everyone should understand eachother in ways they never thought possible as the great age of trolling comes to a definitive end. Surely, no one can take Orange's post seriously, or continue to feed the ever-gaping mouths of he and the Great Trollmaster Blue. Surely. Certainly, they'd all have a good laugh and be done with the whole thing. Surely.
No. Never. As I mentioned above, this is the Castlevania Facebook Fan Page. The reason for utter, crippling loneliness that infests every corner of the planet and brings tremendous, piercing misery to the poor denizens of this planet.
And, to quote Revelations, verse 8:13:
"And I beheld, and heard an angel flying through the midst of heaven, saying with a loud voice, Woe, woe, woe, to the inhabiters of the earth by reason of the other voices of the trumpet of the three angels, which are yet to sound!"
Our suffering is far from over.