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Interactive XCOM STREAM Incoming

8/30/2015

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By Joseph Walter

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"XCOM: Enemy Unknown" is a brilliant strategy/tactical game. Set in the near future, a hostile alien invasion begins causing mass panic. In order to control this threat, a secret organization, XCOM (EXtraterrestrial COMbat Unit) is tasked with clandestine operations and maintaining tight control of the panic levels across the globe while expanding their base, doing the necessary research to quell the invasion, and eventually eliminate the threat entirely.

It's a game of high-stakes and hard choices, where no decision is ever absolutely right. For example, London is reporting abductions and are offering scientists to help you complete your newest batch of fighters, but Germany is under a full-assault and, should you fail to help them, they'll pull out of the XCOM project, halting their contribution to your income. Unfortunately, should London's threat not be dealt with, there is a chance that they, too, will pull out, leaving you with two decimated countries and far less means of successfully completing your goals.

These tough decisions aren't just native to the overall strategy layer, but also the tactical one as well: In XCOM's combat scenarios, you send a small team of operatives to exterminate the alien warriors, capture important technology or rescue citizens. The worrisome element is that when a soldier is killed, they're gone for good. If you rely too much on one extremely skilled soldier, only for them to be killed in the line of duty, you may be left with a squad of rookies who are too under-developed to stand up to the ever-increasing threat levels of the xeno-menace. What makes it even worse is that they can be customized to bear the name and looks of people you know, causing an unexpected connection with them. 

XCOM is one of my favorite games of 2012, and now that I have the ability to stream, I couldn't think of a better choice than this to be the inaugural adventure. But what of the promised "interactivity," you say? That's the fun part: 

How would you like to be one of the elite soldiers in our communal XCOM project? How would you like to have a part in the grueling decision making process, both strategic and tactical? 

That's my goal for this test run. I'd like to have the community involved in all decision making processes. We'd be the Council, making the hard decisions together. Naturally (and with your permission) we'd create avatars of ourselves for the soldiers in our combat unit, down to the closest likeness possible, and they'll even bear your names (first name, last initial, if you're worried about privacy.) Together, we can celebrate victories such as shooting down our first UFO, or cheering as that one soldier with a 10% chance to hit an enemy actually succeeds, saving our entire team. We can also weep uncontrollably as we're torn to shreds by Cyberdisks and Sectopods. 


The best part is that XCOM is so cripplingly difficult that I can't even promise that we'll win. Yes, it's possible to face absolute defeat in this game. But if that's our fate, we'll face it together and take the blame for the outcome as one. 

I'm unsure of a schedule just yet, with an upcoming vacation on its way, but I'll be aiming for something like 1 hour a night, once or twice a week. It'll be a long process, but that makes it fun. If you're interested in being part of this, sound off in the comments. 

Vigilo Confido, Commander. 
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American Ninja Warrior: The Drinking Game

8/24/2015

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By Joseph Walter

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WARNING! 
The effects of this drinking game may be fatal. 
Trials have yet to be performed. Any volunteers?
"American Ninja Warrior" is one of the few shows that I watch on television, streaming or otherwise. You won't see me singing the praises of "Breaking Bad," or lamenting that there aren't more episodes of "Orange is the New Black." Instead, I'm watching adults make attempts at completing an incredibly grueling (and completely ridiculous) obstacle course. It's like "Legends of the Hidden Temple," minus Olmec, Kirk Fogg, or the omniscient Temple Guards (although I won't hold this against ANW.) 

In fact, the obstacle courses are so difficult, that there hasn't been a single winner on the final course in its entire run. Because of this, there's a very satisfying element to seeing how far someone will push themselves to make as much progress as possible, and that lingering hope that maybe, some how, some way, they'll beat this seemingly impossible challenge.

Aside from that good, old-fashioned, under-dog fun, there's the usual spattering of sob stories, and uplifting tales to help the viewer relate with the various competitors. But there's another element that sticks out like a sore thumb (and if you're a fan, you've probably guessed what I'm getting to already): The utterly banal commentators, Matt Iseman and Akbar Gbaja-Biamila. They're an obnoxious force to be reckoned with, saying the dumbest possible things as often as they repeat themselves with their needless commentary. 

When all's said and done, though, those two dinguses and the rest of the show's oddities somehow work together to make a very compelling and thrilling program to get invested in. 

That said, like all good things, a drinking game had to be forged out of it and, while I camped on the beautiful islands in the pristine Lake George, I compiled the following list:

The Game:

  • Anytime Akbar curses a contestant,* take a shot. 
  • Anytime Akbar says "L Shape," or "I Shape," sip your drink.
  • Anytime Akbar says "90 degrees," sip your drink. 
  • Anytime a contestant loses on the same obstacle they lost at last time, finish your drink.
  • Anytime the hosts hype up a player, only for them to lose unexpectedly fast, take a shot.
  • Anytime Kacy Catanzaro shows up randomly, take a shot.
  • Anytime someone is trained in Sam Sann's gym, sip your drink.
  • Anytime someone builds a Ninja course in their backyard, finish your drink.
  • Anytime an awful/tasteless pun is made, sip your drink.
  • Anytime a contestant takes their shirt off, take a shot. 
  • Anytime someone says "I wish the commentators would shut up," they finish their drink.
  • Anytime a commentator says "[their] [limb] is burning!" take a shot, straight. 
  • Anytime a commentator or contestant says "[I/They] dig deep!" take a shot, straight. 
  • Anytime Akbar uses the scientific term for a muscle or muscle group, take a shot.
  • Everytime a contestant unleashes a guttural roar, take a shot, straight. 
  • Everytime the mysterious towel tosser throws a towel at a newly-dunked loser,               finish your drink.
  • When Mark Iseman uses the "Ninja Voice," take a moment to reflect upon your life, and then consume the nearest alcoholic beverage. 

* = "Cursing" a player refers to the oddly common event of Akbar praising a contestant or their form, only for them to be disqualified moments later. Studies conducted by myself and my mother have concluded that Akbar is directly responsible for this, using some form of arcane magicks. 
ADDED BONUS!  Since the show is not scripted, you never know exactly what you'll be subjecting yourself to. Hurray for replay value!
Like I said, I've yet to test this out, but I have a feeling it may be fatal. That said, I'll be trying it out anyway, personal safety be damned. 

What do you think? Did I miss any of the idiosyncrasies from the Ninja Culture that'd be a great fit for the list? Let me know in the comments below! 
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    The MASTER OF THE CASTLE

    Joseph Walter is a 2013 graduate of Drexel University, with a degree in Film & Video and a minor in Film Studies. 

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